


The Arda Times Classifieds

by Celandine



Category: The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: F/M, Gen, Newspapers, Parody
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-11
Updated: 2015-06-11
Packaged: 2018-04-03 23:53:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4119192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Celandine/pseuds/Celandine
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Extracted advertisements from <i>The Arda Times</i>, at the end of the Third Age and early in the Fourth Age.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Real Estate

**Author's Note:**

> This particular work is best viewed all at once, since each "chapter" is very short. Click the "Entire Work" button at the top of the page.

For sale: Private tower with spacious 1-square-mile grounds. Numerous sub-basements. Running water, wood heat. Available furnished. Must sell! Owner moving. 949-727-8626.

For sale or lease: Remodeled keep, eastern view. Enjoy the mountain air. Climbing stairs included. Presently unoccupied except for one large arachnid. Exterminator referrals on request OR 20% discount from asking price. 646-274-8445.

For sale: Luxurious hobbit-hole in desirable neighborhood, has been owned by same family since first excavated. Large gardens, staff nearby. Three bedrooms-four pantries-ample living room. Contact Grubb & Boffin, estate agents: 224-363-4653.


	2. Travel

Now booking holiday tours to all parts of Middle-Earth. Imladris—the Shire—the Grey Havens—Dol Amroth—Dale—Ithilien—Eregioin—Lothlórien—Belfalas—Bree—and many more destinations are available! Book ahead and save! Contact Déorwine of the Eastemnet at Rohan Tours: 764-268-6877.

Package tour, all-inclusive. Explore the Mines of Moria! See the fabulous caves where _mithril_ was found, and gemstones too—perhaps you will discover one yourself! Cross the newly-repaired Bridge of Khazad-dûm. Look into the Mirrormere and see what Durin saw. Read extracts from the Book of Mazarbul, on display in the Chamber of Records. Visit the tomb of Balin, last lord of Moria. Optional day trips to climb the Endless Stair or hike over the Redhorn Pass. Meals and lodging included, extra charge for single room. Moria Tours: 667-428-6877.


	3. Lost & Found

Lost, one pack pony. Answers to "Bill." Last seen in Hollin. If found, please contact Samwise care of Hamfast Gamgee, Hobbiton. Leave message at the Ivy Bush.


	4. Personals

Ent seeking Entmaiden. I like long walks, gardening, and standing in the rain—you do too. Preference for wild fruit a plus. Any tree-kindred! 784-252-3261.


	5. Invitation to Bid

The King of Gondor will receive bids in the Hall of the Kings, for the purchase or lease for three lifetimes of the territories known collectively as Mordor, to include Lithlad, Nurn, the Plateau of Gorgoroth, and Udûn, together with the mountains of the Ered Lithui and the Ephel Dúath. Bids may be for all or for a portion of the territories.The fortresses of Minas Morgul, Barad-dûr, Cirith Ungol, Carchost and Narchost, and Durthang are excluded from this bidding process and will be retained under the direct lordship of the king or his chosen viceroys. Particulars may be obtained from Master Golasgil, the king's secretary. A fee of two silver pennies will be charged for each bid. Sealed bids will be received until 20 Cermië, F.A. 2.


End file.
